Unleash your Inner Goddess?
And why I'm always talking about ADHD right now
Maybe you’ve been listening and reading for a few weeks now, but still don’t understand why I’m doing all this writing and podcasting.
You might have learned that I only got formally diagnosed with ADHD last year, but my mum told me she suspected I met the criteria when I was 18.
Apart from that, I haven’t said much more about myself. I haven’t explained why all of a sudden I’m writing about this stuff, or what the end goal is.
So, it’s probably about time to share a bit more.
18 months ago, I set out to completely reinvent myself. I wanted to finally become the zen-goddess, green-juice drinking, thigh-gapped woman I just know I could be, if I tried harder, focused more and really committed.
I knew that contentment, a tranquil brain and endless productivity were within my grasp, if only I got my shit together and got to work.
Yes, yes, I can see with hindsight that this was a ludicrous idea. I realise now that happiness doesn’t come from trying to escape who you are, and desperately attempting to be someone you’re not. But back then, I thought the only way I could ever learn to truly like myself was to become someone new.
I hadn’t bargained for the broken bones, the failures and the self-sabotage that would punctuate this journey. Nor had I considered all the memories and emotions from my past it would dig up. So I kept trying, really hard, until there wasn’t anymore trying I could do, and I realised that if I wanted to reinvent myself, I’d have to figure out who I was in the first place.
It’s a classic falling-apart and returning to myself story. A story of chasing an imagined version of happiness, when the answers were under my nose all along.
I got therapy. I got an ADHD diagnosis. I got medication and coaching and started to learn, for the first time in my life, who I really am.
I couldn’t have imagined 18 months ago that it would be possible to feel like this. I like myself. I understand myself better. I can actually sleep! I feel energised and rested and calm and positive. You might have heard me and Matt Saxon talk about this on the podcast already, but life feels more vibrant. I see the world in stronger colours.
I’ve found a place of happiness, and it didn’t come through reinvention. It came from self-acceptance. And I wish everybody could feel this way.
I’m not perfect and not every day is blissful, but I’m a million miles away from the place I was in last year. A place where I’d do anything to be anyone but who I was. Who I am.
So if writing and speaking and being open & vulnerable can help anyone else on their journey, if I can inspire, or validate or educate just one other person, then this will all be worth it. Because it’s possible to feel differently, but you don’t need green juices or Insta targeted ads, or another life-hacking productivity guru to sell you something. You need to take the time to learn about yourself, wherever you sit on the neurology spectrum.
I’ve written a book about my journey to where I am now, and I hope someday soon I can share it with you all. But in the meantime, I’ll keep writing this newsletter and recording podcasts and if you share, subscribe and recommend it, hopefully it will reach others who it can help.
On the podcast today, the super, brilliant author Amita Murray, shares how she’s got comfortable with herself, and, spoiler, it doesn’t involve an ADHD diagnosis.
She speaks openly about her ADHD traits, and how she’s learned to live with them, utilise them and like herself, without going down the path of a formal diagnosis.
This episode is particularly interesting for those who don’t have, or want, a diagnosis, but recognise they sit somewhere on the spectrum of symptoms. I loved learning how we’ve both ended up in at a similar point, where we no longer need to listen to the negative self-talk, but we took very different paths to get there.