Unparalleled Self-Belief & Crippling Self-Doubt

How is it possible that both can exist at once?

I’m alright at writing. I know how to do it. So starting a new blog on Substack wasn’t a big deal.

Type some words - Post - Share on the socials - Add a subscribe & share button

Easy, especially for a chronic over sharer like me.

But then I saw I could make a podcast on here, too. And only five days later, I’ve recorded and edited my first episode of the Hyperactive, Impulsive, Inattentive Living Podcast, all ready to be released next week. It might be a bit rough around the edges, but I’ve figured out how to add an intro, and there’s even a theme tune.

This is obviously a stock photo of a very professional podcaster’s set up. I can’t claim it’s my own.

I’m not sharing this because I’m some tech genius. In reality, I’m the opposite.

Five days ago I had no microphone, no software and no idea where to start. But for some reason, I was entirely unfazed.

Sometimes, I have levels of self-confidence that are entirely unwarranted in comparison to my skills set. There’s an unparalleled self-belief that if I decide to do something, I’ll be able to.

That’s me cycling Lands End to John O’Groats with Spencer Matthews - one of those big, stupid goals I decided would be easy.

I spoke about this with my very first podcast guest Lori, who, on finding she had nothing she wanted to wear for a wedding, decided to make her own dress. She hyper-focused so hard, and got so good, she’s now got orders coming out of her ears.

This makes ADHD sound great, and in some ways, it is. The problem is, that this confidence somehow manages to co-exist with crippling self-doubt. I might think the big things are possible, but ask me if I’m capable of mundane, every day tasks, and I have a meltdown.

There’s no way I’m good enough to apply for that job, send the email, or do a 5km fun run.

Of course you can’t, you’re rubbish at everything.

But ask me if I can start my own business, talk in front of a crowd of 200, or finish an Iron Man and I’m already plotting and planning before the question’s out of your mouth.

Of course you can. How hard can it be?

And it sounds like a contradiction to say I feel both these things at the same time, all the time, but it’s true. It could be something to do with wonky metacognition, which makes it hard for people with ADHD to appropriately judge their abilities based on past experiences. Or, it could be the need for excitement that means I can only focus when the goal is beyond my comfort zone.

Whatever the reason, the podcast’s coming next week and I’m so excited to start sharing other people’s stories on this platform as well as my own.

I’d love to hear from other ADHDers if they’ve experienced this, or if its just me. You can join in the conversation in the comments, in the community area of Substack, or just reply to this email. And if you want to be a guest on the podcast, give me a shout.

Have a great weekend

Ange